Inside Me, Myself and I

  Welcome. What a place to be. In my head. I started with panic attacks when speaking in front of people when I was about 18--at my girlfriend's off-to-college luncheon way back in the 80s. First time. I stood up to read a poem about her little Subaru. My voice started shaking. My stomach tightened. Thank goodness it was pretty short. Then again when I was working and had to give a report to the president of a pretty large company. Oy. I was perfectly fine until the moment when it was my turn to stand up. This was about ten years later. To put it lightly, I have never wanted to be the center of attention. (I didn't even think I would be able to walk down the isle at my own wedding! But once I set eyes on my groom, I was good to go.) I've had some episodes of anxiety over the years, two that I can think of that put me in the hospital with dehydration that were diagnosed as something else, I believe.  As I got older, the more social anxious I became. I've never truly been